If you're getting suggestions from moms, bridesmaids, vendors and the groom, it can feel like everyone's pushing their ideas on you and trying to take over your reception. You become the Gatekeeper, trying to protect your own vision of how you'd like your wedding to be. And that can be very stressful.

You know they're just trying to help. You know they want your day to be beautiful. But even too much of a GOOD thing can be oppressive. So you're in the delicate position of having to say No, which can be really tough when parents are being super-generous with your wedding funds, bridesmaids have been there for you every step of the way, and vendors are throwing in freebies and doing all kinds of extra work to make you happy.

Here's the good news: not every suggestion has to be targeted toward the reception. Even if moms and friends and experts initially suggest their ideas for your cocktail party and reception hours, you can re-direct them toward other wedding weekend, pre-, or post-wedding events! So you might not have to say No to that idea about organic chocolates as favors...they can just be re-routed as the favors for the engagement party. Not liking the idea of all-white tablecloths for your reception ballroom? That could be perfect for the bridal breakfast on the morning after the wedding. Mom's dream of an all-white decor scheme could be put to great effect at that gathering instead. The groom wants slow jazz and you want more upbeat music at the reception? Suggest that your after-party have a jazz soundtrack.

Make a list of all of the pre- and post-wedding events you have in mind, so that you can show your helpful team all of the other events where their great ideas can be used. Your list might look like this:

* Engagement party

* Bridal shower hosted by bridal party in mom's hometown

* Bridal shower hosted by bridal party in MIL's hometown

* Bridesmaids' thank-you luncheon and spa day

* Welcome cocktail party as guests arrive for the wedding weekend

* Wedding weekend daytime events, such as a barbecue at your parents' house the day before the wedding

* Rehearsal dinner for bridal party and parents

* Cocktail party after the rehearsal dinner for all out-of-town guests

* Wedding morning beauty salon visit with your bridesmaids and the moms (champagne and berries, anyone?)

* Wedding morning breakfast

* Wedding celebration: cocktail party, dinner, and desserts

* After-party in your hotel suite

* After-party at the parents' houses, where they invite all of their friends and relatives while you and your group party elsewhere

* Wedding morning breakfast

* Day after the wedding barbecue or lunch for guests who stick around

* A small gathering of friends and family when you return from your honeymoon; everyone looks at pictures and video from the big day and enjoys a theme menu of cultural foods or desserts and great wines

Don't forget that some of your own ideas can be shifted off into some of these events, if your groom isn't enthusiastic about them. It helps a LOT when moms and bridesmaids and your groom learn that you're an equal-opportunity 'shifter,' willing to move your own ideas into other parties. You're being fair, and that goes a long way to Planning in Peace with your family and friends.

Copy this list or create a spreadsheet where you can record all of the fun suggestions made by others, and note whose ideas were whose, as an organizing tool and a fun keepsake. Years down the road when some details start to fade, you'll get a smile out of seeing that the curly bamboo good-luck centerpieces your sister suggested were the hit of the wedding breakfast.

At some point, the fairy tale bubble bursts. You thought this was going to be a time filled with every dream coming true, agreeable parents and loved ones, every plan coming together without a hassle. It was supposed to be all rainbows and rose petals. And then [insert sound of screeching tires] a friend says she can't make it to the wedding, the church won't allow videography (what?!), the tulip crop froze overseas so they won't be available, your hairstylist has another booking that morning and you have to find someone else to do your Up-Do. Every bride faces these unforeseen problems, and every bride is at a crossroads:

Do I let it get to me or not?

Think about the law of averages. You have literally hundreds of elements to your wedding day. It's more realistic that some things will go wrong than that nothing will go wrong. So when your bubble bursts, and you see that you haven't been granted some kind of Cosmic Perfection Blessing, you're now in a GREAT position to work more rationally on your wedding plans. You won't be thrown by the next snafu...and there will be one...you're not operating under an unrealistic mindset that everything should go your way. Some things are just out of your control, so you get to find that solution and move on to the next fun part of your planning.

It's a good thing when the bubble bursts. You're finally a 'real' bride.

Showing appreciation is a top tool for Planning in Peace.

After all, you have a big wedding team of parents, bridal party members, helpful relatives and friends, and vendors who are working hard (and often spending lots of time and money) to create your Dream Day. Some of these people might be spending way more than they can spare just to be there for you. So they deserve a nice Thank You call or e-mail in the middle of the planning stages, just so they know you're grateful for all they're doing.

Problems can brew when these people think you expect them to do all of this for you, that you don't feel the need to say thanks. That's when egos get in the way, feelings get hurt, people assume you're all about Me, Me, Me. After all, when's the last time you called just to say hello? Lately, you've only contacted them when you want something for the wedding. If this is making you cringe, when you think about how long it's been since you called as a friend or a sister, you're not alone! All brides get super-hectic in their lives, and they often forget to connect on a non-bride basis. So make some time tonight to send a little thank you e-mail, or call to see how your friend is doing, how her vacation was, how her kids are doing in school or in softball. With all that you have on your plate, it'll mean the world to your loved ones that you're thinking of them.

When the wedding plans pick up speed, and you're in full-out details mode, you're bound to be a little overwhelmed. It happens to every bride. What happens to many brides -- and I hope to prevent this happening to you -- is an overreaction to parents or friends calling you with reminders to check with the florist about your order, or to call a relative to find out their guest's name for the place cards. Many brides flip out over this, interpreting these calls while in their frazzled state as 'pushing me' or 'insulting my intelligence.' Not so.

In the vast majority of cases, these moms and friends are just trying to help. They know you have a lot on your plate, so their intention is to say it and 'be safe,' trying to rescue you from a forgotten little detail. They're not trying to run your wedding. They just have a wish to help out, and this is their way of doing it.

I've found myself getting tense when my own loved ones call with a reminder to check on something or call someone. But then I remove the drama from it, and realize that they're just trying to help. I do the same thing myself, when I remind my fiance of something he's already taken care of, and I just laugh and say, "I'm just trying to keep on top of everything." I meant no harm or insult, of course. The same applies to your loved ones.

So if you feel your shoulders bunching up when your mom or mom-in-law-to-be calls with a reminder, just exhale and drop the insult you read into it. Several moms have told me that they KNOW the brides are on top of the planning, but they'd rather just say something than risk a disaster on the wedding day because they DIDN'T say something earlier. It would hurt to know they could have been a help earlier on.

What are your stories about people who are calling often to help out? How did you change your mindset about them? How WILL you change your mindset about them now that you've read this?

Connect with your fiance for a date night right now. When the wedding plans get rolling, it's easy to lose touch with your relationship and take your fiance a little bit for granted [that's what a lot of grooms complain about -- that their brides are 'all about the wedding.'] So prevent any fights or hurt feelings, and recharge your romance, by planning a great date night for the two of you. It can be all-out, such as dinner at your favorite restaurant, with the two of you all dressed up. Or it can be a relaxing date night at home, with order-in food, comfy pajamas and a funny movie. Now would also be a great time for an 'I Love You' card, thanking your groom for being so wonderful and for making you so happy. A little bit of connection now goes a long way for Planning in Peace in the weeks and months to come!

It happens to almost every parent...they start off fine, communicating well with you, listening to your ideas, staying within the boundaries of what they're planning and helping with -- and then they start to slide, Little by little, they get more demanding, a little more entitled to their ideas, a little more difficult. So stop that downward spiral with a gentle reminder of 'I'm really enjoying sharing the planning with you, Mom. I was just looking back through my notes from when we discussed what you'd be working on, and I remembered that the favors are actually his mother's job. I just didn't want you to do any extra work or waste your time researching those." That's all it takes to correct their course. Start off with praise, and then move into that gentle correction where you express that you're just looking out for them.

Remember, parents aren't trying to wreck your day. They just get a little over-excited and go a little too far. When you take a second to rein them in now, you prevent bigtime stress from getting mad at them for over-reaching their boundaries AND mad at yourself for being a doormat and not saying anything.

Are you having trouble returning your parents to normal? Share your stories in the Comments, and I can help!

Have you ever spent an afternoon with a complaining, miserable friend and felt completely drained after you left them? Most of us have had this experience, where you feel like you need to take a shower to get all the misery off of you.

The opposite is true of spending time with positive people. When you're with them, you feel wonderful, laughing and focusing on the positive things that positive people focus on. And when you leave them, you feel energized and light. These are the people you need to seek out and spend time with right now. Who are your most positive people? They might be an acquaintance at work whose desk you can stop by for a chat, or a cousin you haven't talked to in a while, a friend you can call, a neighbor. It doesn't have to be an all-day visit...just a few minute will recharge you.

Just make sure you don't become the complaining, miserable person who drains them! This isn't a time to talk about wedding stress or difficult people. Let the positive person talk, and soak in their great vibes. This is one of the best things you can do right now, no matter how far away from your wedding you are. And when you get within a few weeks, seek out *more* positive people, even if you're chatting with the mail carrier who's always smiling, or talking with someone behind you in line at the post office. Positive people are everywhere.

You're going to need your closest, most supportive friends and family members around you throughout the Ups and Downs of wedding planning, so stop what you're doing right now and write down the names of the friends who always know the right things to say to cheer you up, who send the funniest e-mails, who commisserate with you, and who will provide wise insight when you need it. This list of Lifesavers is even more important than your list of wedding vendors, since they're going to help return you to a right mindset when you need it most.

I've found that some friends of mine know how to cheer for me when things are going well (without comparing to the conditions of their lives), some will tell me when I'm over-reacting, and some will crack me up with proposed comebacks to use on negative people [not that I'd use any, but they're still fun to hear!]

Consider these people to be your Planning in Peace team of supporters, and don't worry about leaning on them for their help. You'd do the same for them!

You've heard the old adage: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." That's Eleanor Roosevelt's gem for all of us. So when you have a jealous friend or sister, or anyone who has a big target on your back, trying to make you as unhappy as they are, just repeat that saying to yourself.

Yes, I know, the awful thing they said should NEVER have been said, and it's hard not to take it personally. But this is a new day. This is when you make a promise to yourself that you won't let them steal an ounce of your happiness. You won't let them take an ounce of your peace.

So when those verbal arrows come your way, imagine yourself doing the coolest martial arts moves ever, jumping and twirling to let them fly right past you. You have an incredible self-protection weapon: you won't consent to being hurt, and whatever those mean-spirited people send your way, you're safe.

No one can make you feel inferior, or sad, or angry, or unworthy without your consent.

Do you have a different quote that you use to cheer yourself up when others try to bring you down? Share it here in the Comments -- you never know who you might help!