Few things cause as much wedding stress as worrying about whether or not you'll fit into your dress. If you haven't lost the weight you wanted to lose by now, you might be scared that the dress isn't going to zip up at your first fitting.... With your busy life, you might not have been able to drop those 10 pounds, and you're smart enough not to crash diet.

I have a solution that's going to make you feel SO much better.

Your gown seamstress or a great tailor can create a corset lace-up back that gives you an extra 2-3 inches, and it looks incredible. I did this with the bridesmaid dress for my brother's wedding. The zipper actually broke on mine, so I ran over to a tailor and asked for a corset back. I spent $3 on a beautiful length of fabric braiding, and he masterfully created a beautiful new back for my dress. Right now, I have NO stress about my own wedding gown, and I haven't lost the 10 pounds I wanted to lose before my first fitting. If it doesn't zip up well, I'm getting the corset back put in. No worries at all, and I know my groom loves the corset look.

If your gown is tight or doesn't zip up over your back comfortably, you now have an option to discuss with your seamstress or tailor to choose the right corset design and braiding for you. Consider it a chance to customize your gown, and you'll feel even better about it!

Over on my Ask the Wedding Etiquette Expert message board, I just answered a question from a bride who was worried about a guest of hers misbehaving at the wedding.

We all have that guest, or guests, who we worry might get drunk, say rude things, act obnoxious and generally steal the spotlight from us. (I have one or two of those myself!). And this can be the Wedding Nightmare we fear the most. So much planning has gone into the day, what if our ArchEnemy is successful in ruining it?

Check out my response to this bride for the #1 Return to Peace: other people have your back.

Asking a mean-spirited person to behave well at your wedding often just fuels the fire. They can be happy that they have you nervous (evil, isn't it?). And there's also the clueless person who doesn't realize that being drunk and loud is improper at a formal wedding. She thinks everything is a keg party. Whatever your brand of trouble-maker, you can apply the insights on the board to feel better. You can't worry about what people MIGHT do. You have no control over that. But you can breathe easier now knowing that you can take smart steps to remove the problem IF that person misbehaves. There's no reason to fear when you have a plan.

So again, make the choice to focus on all of the guests you're looking forward to seeing, to dancing with, to hugging, to introducing to your new husband and his family. Those are the real gems in your life. That's a far better thing to think about every day.

And in my longtime experience as a wedding expert, brides who rose above any guests' misbehavior and *didn't* start crying or arguing with that guest, were seen as gracious and admirable by all the other guests. They were proud of themselves, their grooms were proud of them, the in-laws were proud of them, and so that misbehaving guest made the bride look EVEN BETTER by giving her a chance to show off her ability to take the high road. Something to think about...

As the bride, everything you do is going to be under observation. Everyone's going to have a comment about the plans you make, the flowers you choose, the site you want, the dress you will wear.

Some of these comments will be excited praise, such as "That gown is gorgeous! You're going to look so beautiful!" And some -- made looking at the very same dress! -- might be more along the lines of, "That's a pretty dress, but don't you think it's a little too summery for your fall wedding?" The speaker may just be trying to help, or they may be trying to burst your bubble a bit. But let's forget about analyzing your friends and family for right now. The big question is...which comment are you going to focus on?

When you focus on anything, you magnify it in your mind. So are you going to magnify the compliment, really soaking it in and beaming? Yes, I am going to look beautiful! Or are you going to laser-focus on that one critique, making it bigger and bigger and bigger, so that it drags you down and you ignore all the great compliments you received from the ten people who praised your choice?

I've always said that the negative things in life are louder. And when you magnify the one critique, that makes it bigger and louder.

So promise yourself that you're not going to magnify the critiques, but you'll magnify the compliments by writing them down in a journal, repeating them to yourself, sharing those compliments with your groom...

It might take some practice, but you can minimize the critiques by magnifying even the smallest compliments so that they lift you up. That's where you'll find peace within your planning. You do have the power to choose what you'll let in and what you'll block out.

You've been nice. You've invited the mothers to help with the wedding plans. You've added a few things to the ceremony to make one of the moms happy. You said okay to a few extra guests of theirs....and they take it one step too far. It might be a song added to your playlist, a change made to your menu...it might not even have anything to do with the wedding, such as claiming your summer vacation for a family getaway that his parents have already booked ["Surprise!"]. Whatever the form, someone has taken advantage of your nice demeanor and generosity. You didn't ask to have your boundaries trampled. You didn't ask to be in this position, and it's especially bad when the groom has spent a few weeks keeping that summer vacation grab a secret from you. NO parent should ever put a bride or groom in that position....EVER.

So where does this leave you? You can't turn back time and un-do the inconsiderate, grabby thing a parent said or did. So how do you handle it from here? Actions speak louder than words. Now, with the next few 'requests' they put in while they still think you're clueless, you respond with, "No, that doesn't fit in with the plans that (groom) and I have discussed. But thanks for suggesting it." Just don't give in to their requests so easily anymore....they're establishing a dominance pattern over you, so you have to take a few firm stands to keep your plans as you want them. They need to hear a simple and polite No sometimes, which is far healthier for you to say now, rather than stew over how you 'gave in' or stress out your fiance while you take out your frustration on him. [Yes, he should have had your back, but haven't we all been blindsided and then found it too late or too awkward to say something?]

Bottom line: you're not going to be 'trained' to go along with everything a parent wants. They may be struggling with such a big change right now, but change is good. For everyone. So say No with a smile when they've gone too far. They'll learn in good time that you will not be bossed around. But you don't have to be aggressive about it.

One of the biggest stressors in wedding planning is having to depend on so many different people to answer your calls or deliver a service, send a deposit check or show up on time. If you're one of those super-reliable people who's always on time, if not early, you're really going to feel this one. And it can be *very* draining to feel like you're always waiting for people to follow through.

Some brides and grooms are so organized that they feel their bridal party is late even when there are still three days before the deadline they enforced.

You don't do anything about people's sense of timing. We all have friends who are always late for dinner, or always show up five minutes before the movie starts. That's just their rhythm, the clock they operate by.

So the best thing that you can do is change your tactic...add a few days of cushion time to what you need from each person. For instance, the groomsmen can get a deadline date of two weeks sooner than you need their size cards. The bridesmaids get a deadline date of two weeks earlier. When you build in some delay time, it keeps you from freaking out about late people. This cushion time is for your sense of peace.

I keep a calendar with cushion deadlines written in red and actual deadlines written in black. My bridal party is scattered all over the country, and everyone operates on their own timing. One of my bridesmaids has 4 kids and homeschools them, and she's always the first to respond. Another bridesmaid is a teacher, and she takes a while to get back to me. I love her to pieces, and it doesn't stress me at all....I know she'll come through. My groom is more laid-back than I am, so he's been getting some cushioned requests, just because I don't want to stress either of us out with a 'time's a wastin'' mentality. It all gives me a valley of harmony...and I'd love for you to experience the same stress relief!

What are your stories of bridal parties, grooms and parents with different timing than your own? And did you realize that maybe it's best if *you* get a little more laid back about your requests? Share your stories in Comments. I'd love to read them!

Over on my Ask The Wedding Etiquette Expert message board, we've been discussing wonderful ways to invite your friends, sisters and cousins to be bridesmaids. From presenting them with roses, jewelry for the wedding day, a surprise champagne toast, and dinner, this invitation starts your planning process off in a very special way.

Now the key to keeping that special feeling so that you all share a peaceful planning process is making sure you regularly show appreciation for your bridesmaids' work in helping to create your special day. So on a regular basis, send out pretty thank you e-cards or print cards no matter how small their contributions of ideas or suggestions of vendors. Appreciation is the key to maintaining a peaceful planning group.

If you need to say No to a thoughtful suggestion -- which many brides say can be overwhelming when everyone wants to help so much -- is to respond right away with a 'thanks for offering, but I found my favors last week!' And then follow that up with a suggestion that the great idea be used for the wedding breakfast or another element of the day. "Everyone will love your great idea!" will make your bridesmaid beam.

Key #2 is not to get too far ahead. You don't need to start peppering them with your wishes for their open-toed shoes a year in advance. Stick to the tasks at hand right now.

Key #3 is to share the credit. Bridesmaids LOVE it when you include their helpfulness, creativity and input on your wedding blog or personal wedding website or talk highly about them to friends and family.

Key #4 is to use good etiquette by letting them know exactly what their roles are, and what will *not* be expected of them, such as paying for their own lodging or throwing a bachelorette party if you don't want one. Bridesmaids love having the relief of knowing they won't have to spend a fortune.

And Key #5 is to let them know they can call you any time with questions or if they need help with anything. When you show at Minute One that you're going to be a Dream Bride, your entire group is far more likely to be a harmonious planning circle all the way through.

You've probably heard that meditation is a great technique for achieving inner peace, but it can be hard to sit still, quiet your mind, and 'notice thoughts that arise, but just let them gently float away.' As a busy bride, you might find that impossible! I'm 5 months away from my own wedding, and there's no way that I'm going to be able to 'notice thoughts and let them gently float away.' Not with this To-Do list! If you've tried meditation in the past and found it to be more frustrating than freeing, it's time for you to try again! You just have to find the right method that works for you.

Sitting on a cushion for 20 minutes and trying to clear your mind might not be your style. You might prefer walking meditation, in which you go for a walk and just notice all the nature details around you, listen to the birds singing, hear children playing, even listen to the snow falling during a late-night walk when all is quiet. That might be your answer.

I call it meditation when my fiance and I are snuggled on the couch watching television. Our breathing gets in synch, and I can feel the tension 'gently floating away.' It works every time and is way more likely to become part of my evening ritual than sitting quietly on a pillow and counting each breath.

Explore the many options for meditation, including visiting this article for a great foundation in understanding what you can accomplish, the best timing for your meditation practice, how much time each session should last, and more.

It can be really difficult to start a meditation practice when you're hectic and frazzled, but give yourself a few tries. It's so worth it, and can make you a happier, more peaceful bride.

It's a mistake that we all make at some point during the wedding planning phase...maybe at a lot of points. You've just finished picking out the music for your ceremony, and before you're done writing down 'Pachelbel's Canon in D,' you're already clicking on sample wedding vows. You've hardly completed one task and your mindset is WHAT'S NEXT?

You didn't even take a moment to sit back and breathe in the immense pleasure of finalizing the decisions you just made together.

Brides tell me, "But I had my groom's attention! He was sitting right there, all focused and enthusiastic about the ceremony music, so I figured we'd just move right into the vows!" What happened there is that you rushed right into What's Next. And that probably caused your groom to sigh, get edgy, and maybe even say something about your never being satisfied. Ouch! The worst thing is, rushing into What's Next *is* a sign that you weren't satisfied with getting the music selected. You didn't mean to blow through it. But your excitement got the best of you, and the dreamy moment of music selection led to tension.

That's what's alway going to happen when your mindset is 'What's Next?'

So let's establish a new practice for peaceful planning: when you complete a wedding task, take 24 hours to soak it in. Forget about What's Next and focus on What Is. You just completed the soundtrack for your ceremony -- that's something to absorb, to imagine, to enjoy, to celebrate over a great dinner. Soak in the satisfaction of a team effort, or else *you* become the dreaded Unpleasable person I wrote about in a previous blog (and we know you don't want to be THAT bride!)

Think about how annoying it is when your family isn't even done with Thanksgiving dinner, and someone's already claiming Christmas or Hannukah at their house. They've rushed ahead, and they filled everyone in the room with tension...and dread. And resentment. Geez, can't you just enjoy today? THAT's what we're going to prevent with your wedding plans when you establish the 24-hour satisfaction period for each task you complete.

Give it a try and see the difference. An added benefit: Your groom will be far more willing to join you on wedding tasks when he isn't feeling dragged into the next four things on your list.

Don't knock yourself out trying to make everything perfect, hoping that this will be the one time that your critical mother or sister or in-law will have nothing negative to say. It's not going to happen. If someone in your circle is an Unpleasable, they're going to have a biting comment about something so out of left field, it can astound you. They can be pretty creative, too. If you clean your house to a shine for the rehearsal dinner, exhausting yourself, there she'll be running her finger over the top of a picture frame just looking for dust. If your award-winning chocolate cake is on the table, there's your sister with a comment that the frosting is a little thin on that side.

I just read in a terrific magazine article that 'complaining is a way of bragging,' and that really made an impact on me. Someone who complains about your cooking or your wedding choices is really saying, "I could do this better." But you know what? They can't, and that's why they feel compelled to point out what your flaws are.

Once you realize that the Unpleasables are really just insecure, you can let go of the maddening tap dance to make them happy, drop the wish that this time they'll have nothing bad to say and that maybe they'll have (gasp!) a compliment for you, you'll be so much happier because you won't feel the need to try so hard. You can lose the pressure and tension, and just go about setting up your wedding plans or cooking your marble pound cake, enjoying it more because you have no fear of insults.

It's a tough habit to break, wanting to please people. But once you get a little bit of practice, you'll get to the point where that zinger, that out of left field insult or critique, will make you smile. It is, after all, a compliment. You're doing everything wonderfully.

Over on the Ask the Wedding Etiquette Expert message board, we've discussed some pretty heinous bridesmaid behavior, along with heinous friend behavior and rude relatives. Sometimes, the infraction is so severe -- like a bridesmaid confessing love for the groom! -- that you won't want her in your life anymore...let alone the bridal party.

Firing her is easy. You just say, "After that outburst, I realize that you just don't have my happiness in mind, so I'm going to have to remove you from the bridal party." You could be all class and offer to pay for her bridesmaid dress and other expenses [it's good karma], or you could just cut ties with one well-written e-mail. She'll cause a big drama and lots of gossip, but it's far more dangerous to your peace to keep this toxic friend in your life.

Sometimes, an added gift of your wedding is removing the people who show more obviously than ever that they don't care about you or anyone else.

But it still hurts...

You have a history with this person, and in the past, it might have been a great history. This is a friend that you loved for many years, who may have been super-supportive of you during tough times...but she's changed. And you're going to grieve the loss of the friend you used to know. When your anger subsides, you're going to be quite sad about the fact that you lost that person a while ago. The person you knew and loved couldn't possibly do such hurtful things to you now. People change and move in different directions, and the glue of a past friendship can wear away. And of course you'll be sad about losing your old friend. What falls away is the value you held of that relationship the way you remember it.

So allow yourself to grieve. Write it out in a journal and give yourself time. Don't stay mad forever...the stages of grief will move you through anger and sadness and denial and back to sadness. It's a long road that *many* brides and grooms experience during their wedding planning time. In any time of great change, some things are lost. That's the nature of change. So this lost friendship is an essential fall-away, and you'll soon find that your feelings of sadness are replaced by a deep sense of being proud of yourself for not accepting the heinous treatment of anyone, that you love yourself enough to cut loose the damaging friendship and only welcome good people in your life.

You deserve better than what that person has chosen to become...

Grooms today are full planning partners in weddings, and as much as they value being involved with the plans, they don't want to talk about the wedding nonstop. And they definitely don't want to walk in from work after a long day, kick back to relax, and have you pounce with a long list of wedding tasks that have to be done NOW.

If you want your wedding planning process to be a peaceful one, and to really enjoy co-planning with your fiance, you'll need to rein in your enthusiasm and remember that Timing is Everything.

Grooms say they're more than happy to talk about the wedding, but they can't just mentally switch gears into planning mode. They appreciate some advance notice, and especially a request of "How about we spend a little bit of time after dinner to work on the invitations?" Grooms who write me say they're going to respond better to:

1. Advance notice
2. Knowing *exactly* what you want to talk about. They get nervous when you say "let's talk about the wedding." They'd rather get the topic of the evening, preferably one topic.
3. The right to say No, without you pouting or taking it personally.

This last one is a big one, since grooms *want* you to enjoy the wedding planning, but they love you too much to fake enthusiasm or give you a half-hearted effort. Sometimes, grooms say, they just can't focus.

So keep the peace by accepting that No, which is a very respectful and loving thing to do. You can always do the invitations tomorrow.