"That's just like what your mother does!"

"Of course you're late with the tux order! Your whole family's always late!"

"And here I thought you were DIFFERENT from your brother!"

"I can see I'm going to have to de-program the cheapskate DNA you got from your parents!"

I'm cringing as I write these slightly exaggerated [but only slightly exaggerated] phrases utterd by many frustrated, angry and anxious brides out there. It's just such an unfair fighting style! But unfortunately, in the throes of wedding stress, some pretty heinous things can come out of your mouth.

Which is why I want to urge you to make it an unbreakable rule for yourself: never tie what your groom is doing to *anything* his family does.

#1: Judging isn't nice.

#2: Throwing his family's flaws at him isn't nice.

#3: Lumping him in with his family's flaws isn't nice.

#4: Saying you have to de-program him...well, that's just really not nice.

Grooms forgive a lot from their frazzled brides, and brides forgive a lot from their overwhelmed grooms. The guys say they're nervous about treading in wedding world, and they'd like you to be their partner, not their boss. So for you or anyone else to take a situation that requires change -- okay, he's late with the tux order -- and bash him over the head with an insult that cuts right to the soul of him...big mistakes. And not something that he'll forget anytime soon.

Wedding season insults burn right down to the bone and stay there. Sometimes forever. Even if you apologize.

Think about how you'd feel if your busy schedule made you late with something...and your groom barked that you're just like your mother [or your father, or sister, or anyone else who's made a career out of being late with things.] You're supposed to have an unconditional relationship of trust and protection of one another. Any snapped insult like that hurts. A lot.

Yes, you're going to clash and bicker over things. That's natural, and it happens to everyone. But believe me...tying what he does to his family's bad habits is an injury you can't even fathom.

You probably never thought about it like that, but that's why I'm here: to point out some common auto-pilot reactions and behaviors that catapult you so far from Planning in Peace that you can't even see harmony in the future.

So ban the whole 'you're just like' weapon from your arsenal and find a better way to get him to call in that tux order. And don't ever say 'de-program' again. Peace, harmony, trust and safety will be saved!