What happens when a parent is your most difficult planning partner, a control freak, a critique monster, and very much a stealer of your peace? While it would be great to have one of those sweetie-pie moms or moms-in-law, we don't always win the mom lottery...and some moms just freak out over wedding plans. They become uncharacteristically bossy or tense or panicked, and they lash out.

And then they don't apologize.

So what do you do to get back to Planning in Peace when you're stuck working with a mom who treats you badly and then doesn't care enough to apologize decently? You have to be direct. But respectful. Which can be very, very difficult. But essential.

Here's a line that can work quite well: "(Name), I know there's a lot of change going on, the wedding plans are taking a lot out of all of us, things are expensive, and it's stressful. But I really have to ask you not to call me names or criticize what we want for the wedding."

Offending Parent is going to be shocked that you're taking charge like this, and may try to minimize the impact, saying you're over-sensitive.

That's their favorite comeback, it seems.

Your comeback: "True. Maybe I am being over-sensitive." Aha! You're not taking the bait of leaping into defending yourself, which would swerve the conversation into what you're doing wrong! "I'd just like for us all to plan in peace, and when this wedding is over, not have any regrets."

You've just given the parent something to think about. Don't lay down ultimatums, such as saying you'll soon be in charge of whether or not you'll spend holidays with them, or if they'll ever see their grandchildren. That's starting a war, getting into a power struggle.

Just rise above, stay calm, be diplomatic, and express that you want to plan together with the parents, and you want to establish a great relationship going forward. That's how diplomats do it. They emphasize the positive and get the focus back on the goals.

How are you handling a difficult parent who won't apologize? We all know parents have their own hot buttons, and here's a strategy that can help: if it's your groom's parent who's causing the problems, ask your groom to help you with your wording. Don't hand the dilemma to him. It's important that you address the parent directly and show him or her that you can stand up for yourself, that you have good intentions, and that you're not afraid to ask for a positive change.

It'll take time. People don't snap into better behavior overnight. But you'll be on your way.