You finally connected with the bridesmaid who's been hard to reach, unavailable for meetings or shopping trips, and other Don'ts in bridal party behavior, and you uncovered the true reasons behind her misbehavior by asking her, "Has something happened that's changed the way you originally felt about being in the bridal party?" with a kind, open tone that assures her she's safe to answer honestly.

She might explain her dilemma in detail, or she might simply say, "Yes, and I'd rather not talk about it right now" before her voice cracks a little and you can tell she's in turmoil over something big going on in her life. Since she's a friend you cherish, you put your wedding wishes aside for now, and jump in as the good friend you are, offering your support, letting her know she can call you anytime she needs to, and so on. It's the hallmark of a true friend - and an excellent karma-builder! - when you give your friend an Out With Options:

"I'm not mad at all," you would assure when your friend expresses concern that her stepping out of the bridal party means she's going to lose you, too. Her life is falling apart at the seams, and she's been downing a lot of Chunky Monkey trying to figure out how to get the relief of stepping away from the expense and responsibility of your wedding. Here's where you come to the rescue: "Now let's figure out how to make things better...."

Here's where you might say, "My cousin hasn't ordered her dress yet, and she's about your size, so what if I arrange to have her buy the dress from you?" You're awesome, a real problem-solver. "And even if you're not a bridesmaid, how would you like to be a greeter at the ceremony? You'd stand at the door and greet arriving guests, being our hostess, giving out the programs, being your charming wonderful self." The greeter role is one that many stepping-out bridal party members love to take on.

Talk with your friend and ask if he or she has any ideas of how else they can participate, what they feel comfortable with. You're not being a wimp. You're not being a doormat, not passive, not desperate. You're putting your relationships above money and the image you wanted for your wedding day. Too many brides out there forget that these are real people they're dealing with, and they forget to be a friend to THEM in a time of need.

Create a new plan with the stepping-out bridal party member, assigning a great Out With Options, and everyone can get back to Planning in Peace.

If you helped a bridal party member step out of the lineup, please do share your story in the Comments below...we'd love to hear how it went, and how your friendship is now!

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