This is a big one. From time to time, frantic brides write to me with incredibly sad stories about their mothers threatening not to come to the wedding if they don't get their way. "I'm paying for it, so if you DON'T get married in a church, I'm NOT COMING!" Wow, that's a power-play and a half! And it scares the life out of the bride. How hurtful can someone be?

If it's your Mom who's thrown this awful guilt-bomb at you, just let her cool down for a few hours after she makes the threat, because she's not going to be in any mindset to talk rationally with you if she's gotten to THAT desparate a place. Cool down yourself, because you're not going to be operating from your best mindset either. Go for a walk, punch your pillow a few times, whatever it takes to get your own anger out.

Then contact your Mom on the phone or in person as a strong woman, not a begging little girl, to say, "Mom, I know you have strong feelings about (whatever her issue is), and it would be heart-breaking for us both if you missed the wedding. But we feel strongly that we want to (insert your plan here, like 'get married in a garden'), so this matter is not something we're going to discuss anymore. We're not (doing whatever she demanded), and it's no reflection on you. I hope you'll reconsider not attending the wedding." Businesslike? Yes, aboslutely. Most moms feel incredibly guilty after making that threat, and they usually apologize right away. But some moms are stubborn, and -- like it or not -- they relish the drama they've just created. Now THEY'RE the center of attention, for doing something negative. Maybe that Mom has always been like that. Or maybe this is a stunner because your Mom is SO not like that. Whatever the case may be, this is a stressful situation that has to be resolved right away. And not by giving in.

Some brides just shrug it off and call the Mom's bluff. "Okay, but we'll miss you that day" is not the reaction the Mom was going for when she tried to manipulate you with the threat. "If you change your mind, just let me know. The cake tasting is on Saturday, and you're still welcome to come if you decide to be a part of the wedding." Let her sleep on THAT.

It's true, Moms can act badly during a wedding planning season, and the Moms I've spoken to said they have big, big regrets about taking away an ounce of their daughter's or son's happiness. Those who actually did boycott the wedding embarrass themselves to no end when all the relatives frown upon such a wicked display of control. They're not in the photos, nor the video. There's no great gown to wear. These are some of the things Moms need to keep in mind. They'd be spiting themselves! Show them this entry so that they know they didn't invent the power-play, and that it always turns out badly for the Mom in the end.

Moms, you don't really want to hurt the bride and groom like this, do you?