His mom calls every night at 7pm. You cringe when you hear the phone ring, and you almost wish it WAS your old college alumni group looking for a donation. But it's not. It's His mom with yet another 'request' to change a plan you've made. As tough as it is to rein your mom in when she goes overboard, it can be triply tough when it's your groom's mom, and you don't have a lifetime of skills in reading her tactics. This becomes a big fight between many brides and grooms when the groom is able to just shrug off what his mom requests (even if he doesn't give in) and the bride steams and sulks because...you're not going to like this, especially if you see yourself in it...it seems his mom is trying to be Alpha Female and override your decisions. It happens a LOT.

Grooms don't see a power play happening here, and you may see one that isn't even happening. It might be that his Mom just saw a different color of pillar candle at the craft store, and she wanted to suggest a change from white to cranberry. She's thinking, "That would be nice for a fall wedding" and you're thinking, "How dare she try to change my plan!?!"

Before you complain to your groom, who's very likely to get mad at you for criticizing his poor, innocent mom (even if she *is* a little controlling), forget about wanting your groom to 'fix' his mom. It's not gonna happen. The only thing you can fix is your attitude toward her, and not jump right into Anger Mode. She just suggested a pillar candle. That's it. If you say, "It sounds lovely, but that doesn't work for me," and say it calmly and with a smile, you just diverted a major battle. Never put your groom between you and his mom.

If she's really controlling and guilt-trippy, you might be tempted to 'punish' her by saying No to everything she requests. That's not a good idea, and it puts you in the wrong. Just stick to your priority list, handle each request separately, see if she can insert her idea in another wedding weekend idea (like the rehearsal dinner) so that you're being a good partner to her, including her where you can, and making an effort. Revenge is not sweet when you're a bride.

Ask your groom for some tips on how you can learn to handle his mom's requests. "I don't want to misinterpret her when she sighs and says we're not including her, even though we are, so please give me some skills here. I really don't want any stress between us," is a great way to get your groom to help you and admire you for your maturity and your respect of his own family dynamics. Plus, guys like to fix things. And keep the Peace.