One of the first stressful decisions you might face is choosing who will be in your bridal party.

For some brides, it's a cinch. It'll just be their sisters and their two best friends. Done. Onto the next thing.

But for so many other brides, this is an agonizing task. How can they choose from their list of friends? Do they have to include friends who had them in their bridal parties long ago, but haven't heard much from them since? What happens when the parents want cousins included? Or when you feel like you should include the groom's sisters, even though he has four of them and your bridal party lineup is now 15 people long?

Here's the good news....you can have a giant bridal party if you wish! There's no rule that says you have to have just 4. And you don't have to have an even number of women and men. So if you have 8 bridesmaids and your groom has five groomsmen in mind, that's fine! The last few groomsmen in the recessional will escort two women at a time. There's no reason to be matchy-matchy.

Now, if this hasn't solved your dilemma, and you're stressing about the fact that you can't invite several friends to be in the lineup, here are a few insights that could bring you back to peace:

1. Many women say they'd rather NOT be in the bridal party. With all of the expenses of gowns and shoes and showers and bachelorette parties, it's an honor to be considered...but they'd rather just be guests. Doesn't mean they love you any less. So you might be worrying for nothing.

2. You can cushion the news that they're not in the bridal party by telling them directly, rather than just avoiding the topic when you know they *think* they're going to be in the bridal party. Call them or tell them in person that you *wish* you could ask them, but your list of sisters and his sisters and your best friend from high school has gotten beyond where you would like it to be. You had to leave off a *lot* of your closest friends, and you hope they won't take it personally. The fact that you're telling them will impress them, and then they may tell you they subscribe to insight #1 above.

3. Some friends will get upset. They invested a LOT in being named to your bridal party, and they feel they're super-close to you. They're taking your decision personally. Expect a cool period for a while after you contact them, but keep showing these friends that they're important to you. Ask them to go out. Send links to articles you know they'd like. Whatever you did before...without over-doing it out of guilt. They'll get over the disappointment of not being named to the bridal party.

4. DON'T have them hand out programs at the wedding instead or have some other task for them to do. That's asking them to work your event.

5. Be firm with parents who try to insert their choices into your bridal party. They don't get to make this decision, so handle this one with calm and grace, saying, "No, we've had to leave a lot of our friends out of the lineup, so it wouldn't feel right to us to include a cousin we hardly know. But thanks." Then move on to another topic.