As you plan your future together right now, it's GOOD to disagree on some things, and even to fight it out...but there are two essential truths that will bring you peace, even while you're in a heated debate with your partner [or anyone else].

1. It's important to stand up for yourself. Those who brag about never having fights with their partners are either lying, or one of them is being too agreeable all the time [and will soon blow his or her lid over the smallest conflict]. When you stand up for yourself, you earn your own self-respect, and your partner gets valuable information about what you need, what you don't want, and where you're misunderstanding him. Fights might not be pretty, and we can really sling some arrows during an argument, but it's an essential verbal tool for building a great relationship. And it leads to other essentials like compromise, and apology.
2. Disagree with compassion in your heart. You're not trying to win. You're trying to find a solution with the person with whom you disagree. Gandhi said, "Don't bring your opponents to their knees. Bring them to their senses." The goal is communication, not domination. So work on your disagreement style, dial down your argument style. You're not in a boxing ring knocking out teeth, you're passionate about the point you're trying to make to your fiance, your parents, your friend. Is it really winning when you hammer them with insults and razor-sharp debate skills that make them feel inadequate? Is it really winning when you're being condescending? No, that's a loss.

In the book "100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships," by David Niven, PhD, one of his quoted studies says, "People who maintain a compassionate spirit during disagreements...considering not just the virtue of their position but the virtue of their partner, have 34 percent fewer disagreements, and their disagreements last 59 percent less time." [Attributed to Wu, 2001].

It seems counterintuitive, but fighting well -- fighting with a loving spirit, fighting with the solution in mind -- will ultimately bring you both more peace...because you'll get to a solution for each conflict sooner. You won't have the same fight over and over again, neither of you budging because you want to 'win.' Nah, a great argument is like a great rainstorm. Everything's so clean and fresh afterward. And everything can grow so much better.