In past posts, I've advised you to take it easy on your groom, not overwhelm him with details right out of the gate, honor his personal time (as opposed to rushing at him the minute he comes home from work) and at least try to get along with his mother. Now we're going to get into some additional strategies for Planning in Peace with your groom, in my new series of posts titled Working With Your Groom.

Today's topic: the guy's entitled to change his mind.

Grooms admit they sometimes say Yes to wedding plans their brides suggest without really giving the idea much thought. "My first instinct is always 'whatever she wants,'" says one groom who is ten months away from his wedding date. "And that's my default response when she suggests things for the wedding. She wants me to be as into the plans as she is, and I don't want to let her down or [anger her] by telling her to wait while I think about it. So I just say Yes." But then the groom, like this one, starts to think more clearly about what he's just agreed to, days or weeks later. "Um, no, I don't want the dogs to be our ringbearers. Sounded fun at the time, but then the logistics sink in."

So, brides, to keep your harmony with your groom, make it a rule for yourself that your man is allowed to have second thoughts, and that you become the most awesome fiancee ever when you're open to a change in the plans to honor your groom's wishes as you would like your own changed-mind-wishes to be honored.

Of course this applies to plans that haven't already been booked (except in extreme cases), since you'd lose deposit money. Which brings up another Understanding Your Groom issue: most grooms say they're not as attuned to the whole deposits/fees intricacies of the wedding plans as you are. And they want you to understand that without judgment. "I hate it when she looks at me like I'm an idiot for not knowing the precise deposit breakdown, or some other part of the plans I haven't committed to memory. Just tell me that deposit's in, and be a partner with me, not my condescending boss."

Ouch. When I tell brides about that particular reaction, they're almost always stunned. "I had no idea I was coming across that way." You don't KNOW about this? could be an automatic reaction you have to rein in. No, your groom might not know. So be clear yet not condescending about contract details he isn't aware of.

This whole wedding planning process, even filled with gorgeous flowers and cakes and designer gowns and guests flying in from every corner of the globe and wedding coordinators, is just one dressed-up master class in Learning to Compromise and Partnering as Equals. When you're open to your groom's change of heart about the dogs as ringbearers, or the squab on the menu, or all-things-pink as the color scheme, you get an A+++ in that class.

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