Your bridesmaids want to make you happy. They want to know exactly what you want, when you want it, and how they can help.

Which is why I wrote The Bridesmaid Handbook:

Bridesmaids say they have one wish, though -- a wish that would make Planning in Peace a lot more realistic. They want you to understand that they can't always get right back to you in 10 minutes when you e-mail, text, IM or all of the above in a single lunch hour.

The Speed of Reply conflict has soured many a bride/bridesmaid relationship, so do yourself and all of your friendships a favor...adjust your expectations about how long it will take some of your bridesmaids to respond to you.

"Remember who I am!" says one bridesmaid. "When have I ever responded to you same-day?"

Good point.

Bridesmaids say they don't want you e-mailing them at work, since many office computers and phones are highly-monitored, and they can get fired for conducting personal business. A rush-rush bride can get her bridesmaid in hot water.

To be fair to you, you're excited and you know they're excited, and you mean no harm by e-blasting your messages and questions for hurry-up responses.

Just keep your Planning Peaceful by sending out messages to the home e-mail addresses your bridesmaids have said they check daily or several times a week, and give them plenty of time for a response. "If you can get back to me by Thursday, that's terrific! Thanks!" A great message to send when your deadline for that particular issue is Saturday.

Bridesmaids say they don't want you to misconstrue their slow responses for non-interest in your day, and they definitely don't want you thinking they're jealous. They just have five fewer hours in the day than they need -- just like you and everyone else -- and they're doing their best! They love you, and they want you to be happy.

But you already know that!

Bridesmaids lose their minds when the expenses start to pile up.

When they first agreed to be in your wedding party, they knew they were going to face a bunch of expenses. There's a dress to pick out, shoes to get, a bridal shower to plan. They know they'll take a financial hit, but you're so worth it!

It's when additional expenses add up over the course of the planning months that they (rightly) begin their silent (or not-so-silent) revolt. Of course, you're doing your best to keep expenses down across the board, but with your focus on so many things, you might not be fully aware of how the Bridesmaid Budget Tally is stacking up for your girls.

So few brides actually take this next step, which is why they lose sight of the money realities their maids are facing:

Make a list of what it would cost you to be your own bridesmaid.

It might look like this:

Dress: $120

Shoes: $40

Hairstyling for the wedding day: $60 for an up-do

Makeup for the wedding day: $50 if they want it, free if they don't

Manicure: $30 if they want it, free if they don't

You might not know the details of what they're spending on your shower, so just take a ballpark guest: $150 to $300 apiece, for instance

Now, here are some extras:

Travel to get to the wedding: $30 to $130, gas money or planefare

Hotel room: $99 a night, two nights needed (Ouch!)

Travel to fittings: $10 in gas money and time spent

Travel to planning meetings: $10 in gas money and time spent

Bachelorette party: $30 to $150 apiece, including limo, bar tab, food and entertainment

Photos developed: $25

Cell phone bill for a year of planning: $5 to $50

And it goes on.

If all brides took the time to list out what their bridesmaids are likely spending, there's going to be a lot more peace when they:

1. Cut out some expenses. Don't ask them to get makeup and nails done, since your asking could make them feel obligated

2. Offer to pay for their bridesmaids' hotel rooms as their thank-you gift [in addition to a cute little $15 bracelet or some other gift]

3. Don't even think about requiring them to go to boot camp with you

4. Show that you care about their money by telling them to email you with answers and responses; don't require phone calls, because you never know who has free minutes or who's facing overages

5. In this recession era, more brides are skipping the bachelorette party. Just something to think about.

6. Be open to the lower-priced dresses and shoes they find online. They don't all have to be in Vera Wang just because that's what you've always envisioned. Let them find great discounts, too.

7. Treat them nice. Invite them over for dinner or cocktails on a regular basis, without any wedding talk involved. Every bridesmaid appreciates a NICE bride!

When your bridesmaid has to step out of the bridal lineup, no matter what the reason, she's most likely going to be very worried about what people will think about her. You may be the coolest bride ever, giving her the Out With Options, but other people are going to think she's a bad friend or cousin, or they're going to know she's short on money, or they're going to figure out that she's struggling in med school, or that she's in a depression...the anxiety can spin out of control.

So as the awesome bride you are, assure her that you won't share any details of her situation with anyone. If the gossips out there want to wonder what her story is, they're going to chat about her, but they're not getting the juicy details from you.

Even if you're mad about her stepping out of the bridal party just a few months before the wedding, resist the urge to vent to other friends, don't participate in a gossip firestorm, and let your friend save face. When the other bridesmaids start chirping about her, just say, "There's nothing to figure out about why (former bridesmaid) stepped out. This is just what's best, so let's move onward and start looking for a style of shoe for you all to wear." You can also shut them up by saying, "Seriously, we've lost too much time to this topic already, so let's get back to having fun and planning your bouquets."

You all get to return to Planning in Peace, and you have rescued your own wedding experience from the lure of gossip. Nicely done!

Ger your copy of "The Bride's Survival Guide' here.

You finally connected with the bridesmaid who's been hard to reach, unavailable for meetings or shopping trips, and other Don'ts in bridal party behavior, and you uncovered the true reasons behind her misbehavior by asking her, "Has something happened that's changed the way you originally felt about being in the bridal party?" with a kind, open tone that assures her she's safe to answer honestly.

She might explain her dilemma in detail, or she might simply say, "Yes, and I'd rather not talk about it right now" before her voice cracks a little and you can tell she's in turmoil over something big going on in her life. Since she's a friend you cherish, you put your wedding wishes aside for now, and jump in as the good friend you are, offering your support, letting her know she can call you anytime she needs to, and so on. It's the hallmark of a true friend - and an excellent karma-builder! - when you give your friend an Out With Options:

"I'm not mad at all," you would assure when your friend expresses concern that her stepping out of the bridal party means she's going to lose you, too. Her life is falling apart at the seams, and she's been downing a lot of Chunky Monkey trying to figure out how to get the relief of stepping away from the expense and responsibility of your wedding. Here's where you come to the rescue: "Now let's figure out how to make things better...."

Here's where you might say, "My cousin hasn't ordered her dress yet, and she's about your size, so what if I arrange to have her buy the dress from you?" You're awesome, a real problem-solver. "And even if you're not a bridesmaid, how would you like to be a greeter at the ceremony? You'd stand at the door and greet arriving guests, being our hostess, giving out the programs, being your charming wonderful self." The greeter role is one that many stepping-out bridal party members love to take on.

Talk with your friend and ask if he or she has any ideas of how else they can participate, what they feel comfortable with. You're not being a wimp. You're not being a doormat, not passive, not desperate. You're putting your relationships above money and the image you wanted for your wedding day. Too many brides out there forget that these are real people they're dealing with, and they forget to be a friend to THEM in a time of need.

Create a new plan with the stepping-out bridal party member, assigning a great Out With Options, and everyone can get back to Planning in Peace.

If you helped a bridal party member step out of the lineup, please do share your story in the Comments below...we'd love to hear how it went, and how your friendship is now!

Get your copy of 'The Bride's Survival Guide' here.

Sometimes, a bridal party member wants out of the wedding. Maybe her financial situation has changed, if she was laid-off from her job and can no longer spare the $500+ on the dress and the bridal shower plans. Maybe she's in the middle of law school exams, has a ton of pressure, and is miserable right now. Maybe she's newly pregnant and worried about what that would mean for your wedding plans, especially if you have a destination wedding in mind.

Whatever the situation, sometimes a bridal party member will start off excited about being in the lineup, and then you can't get that person on the phone, nor can the Maid of Honor, deadlines are looming, payments not made, dresses not purchased, and everyone's getting tense. Most people would say, "Oh, she's definitely trying to get fired from the wedding! She's avoiding you!" And that could be the case. Most people want to avoid confrontation, and they put off making that difficult phone call while all kinds of deadlines are passing and you're getting angrier by the minute. They're hoping the problem will just go away. That's just infuriating, isn't it?

But wait a minute....before you get infuriated, I have to warn you: Don't jump to conclusions! It might not be that this person is missing in action as some ploy to get fired from your wedding. It could be that she's going through an extremely tough time right now.

Maybe her parent is really sick, and she's visiting her in the hospital every day, stressed and scared, and just barely functioning in her job and her life.

Maybe she has a scary medical diagnosis, or is going through tests right now.

People tend to want to protect the bride, so as not to rain on her parade. And they also want their privacy. So as we start my new series on 'What if they want out of the wedding?' let's make sure you're not reading into your bridal party members' slow responses. There might just be a good reason that your good friend is hard to reach right now. So make no assumptions....

Ger your copy of 'The Bride's Survival Guide' here

You might have more than one Maid of Honor, or perhaps a Matron of Honor and a Maid of Honor, and when it comes time to plan these special parties for you, they might have a hard time sharing the role as Hostess.

Some MOHs live for the chance to plan a big bash, especially when they know the bridesmaids will split the bill with them, and they never expected to be a co-planner.

Now, some MOHs work together just fine. In fact, most do. Most women are mature enough to be diplomatic and respectful of their co-MOH, because that's just their nature. And it's your wedding. They'd never cause a fuss and potentially wreck the party plans.

And then there are some who love the drama. They 'don't work well with others' as a part of their character, they consider themselves Leaders but others might call them Control Freaks, and they're getting a big payoff over turning what should be a partnership with the other MOH into a power struggle. And the more people who hear about it, the better. Yes, some MOHs are like the Bad Girl on the stereotypical reality show.

Hopefully, you don't have one of those in your bridal party. But if you do have MOHs with partnering conflicts, and the nasty e-mails and texts are flying, your sister is in tears because your best friend humiliated her, and so on, then something's gotta change.

And it's not going to be their personalities. You can't do anything about someone else's need to be bossy or controlling. You'd just be wasting your time. You can talk directly to the offending MOH(s) and ask them to knock off the battle because they're stressing you out. You might have to tell them a few times. In person, not in an e-mail, so that they see you're serious.

Don't stir up trouble by analyzing them ("You always need to dominate other women!"), or by getting sucked into the drama, or by participating as a way to try to make one of them feel better ("I know...she's such a b*%#!"). Put on your Diplomat hat and work towards a solution.

Here's one that often works well when MOHs just can't work together: "How about one of you be in charge of the shower, and one of you be in charge of the bachelorette party?" They might love the chance to 'own' their own party. Or, if they'd prefer, let them divide the tasks so that they 'own' the decorations or the cake responsibilities.

MOHs who find their jobs changed midstream worry about what the other bridesmaids will think. Reassure them that it's perfectly fine for them to e-mail everyone to say, "We've made some changes to how the planning will go. Jen is going to lead the shower plans, and Jill is going to lead the bachelorette party plans. That works best for our schedules, so we'll be in touch with more details soon. Thanks!" Very simple and to the point, and it sets up a new foundation for smarter and more enjoyable planning. Show them this. Let them see how easy it is to restructure the planning-by-group, and then all of you can return to Planning in Peace.