Don't apologize too much! Yes, we all know that the economy is tough, people are busy, and being involved in your wedding is an investment of the things people don't seem to have enough of: time and money. It can make you feel bad when you have to ask your parents, bridal party and groom to fulfill tasks for the wedding...but don't become an Over-Apologizing Bride.

When you go overboard with the apologies, it can seem like you're being a martyr, that the apologies aren't real, and you're going overboard in the 'aren't I wonderful?' department. That's so annoying!

Those who have agreed to participate in your wedding know that these are the things they agreed to, and unless you're truly putting people out by changing the wedding date, location, dresses or other plans that have already been set, save the apologies for when they're truly needed.

Don't feel bad that you're in a happy time of your life. If you have friends who are unhappily single, you might feel strange talking to them about your dream wedding. That's in your mind, though, because true friends enjoy hearing you happy! Singles tell me they get mad when the bride starts off every conversation with an apology: "That's a dead giveaway that she feels sorry for me and it's an insult that she thinks I'd be mad about talking about her wedding!"

I know you have good intentions, but moderation is key.  

What happens when a parent is your most difficult planning partner, a control freak, a critique monster, and very much a stealer of your peace? While it would be great to have one of those sweetie-pie moms or moms-in-law, we don't always win the mom lottery...and some moms just freak out over wedding plans. They become uncharacteristically bossy or tense or panicked, and they lash out.

And then they don't apologize.

So what do you do to get back to Planning in Peace when you're stuck working with a mom who treats you badly and then doesn't care enough to apologize decently? You have to be direct. But respectful. Which can be very, very difficult. But essential.

Here's a line that can work quite well: "(Name), I know there's a lot of change going on, the wedding plans are taking a lot out of all of us, things are expensive, and it's stressful. But I really have to ask you not to call me names or criticize what we want for the wedding."

Offending Parent is going to be shocked that you're taking charge like this, and may try to minimize the impact, saying you're over-sensitive.

That's their favorite comeback, it seems.

Your comeback: "True. Maybe I am being over-sensitive." Aha! You're not taking the bait of leaping into defending yourself, which would swerve the conversation into what you're doing wrong! "I'd just like for us all to plan in peace, and when this wedding is over, not have any regrets."

You've just given the parent something to think about. Don't lay down ultimatums, such as saying you'll soon be in charge of whether or not you'll spend holidays with them, or if they'll ever see their grandchildren. That's starting a war, getting into a power struggle.

Just rise above, stay calm, be diplomatic, and express that you want to plan together with the parents, and you want to establish a great relationship going forward. That's how diplomats do it. They emphasize the positive and get the focus back on the goals.

How are you handling a difficult parent who won't apologize? We all know parents have their own hot buttons, and here's a strategy that can help: if it's your groom's parent who's causing the problems, ask your groom to help you with your wording. Don't hand the dilemma to him. It's important that you address the parent directly and show him or her that you can stand up for yourself, that you have good intentions, and that you're not afraid to ask for a positive change.

It'll take time. People don't snap into better behavior overnight. But you'll be on your way.

Be easy to apologize to! If you and your groom have clashed over anything -- wedding plans, life stress, family issues, who's going to walk the dog -- don't be one of those horrid brides you see on TV who take their groom's apology and turn it around on him, completely missing the point that he's apologizing and browbeating him over what he did wrong, rehashing the argument, defending their own position. They didn't get it. The guy apologized!

Stress can cause your anger levels to go up, so keep an eye out for this sneaky downward spiral into anger-simmering, so that you don't turn into an AngerZilla who is impossible to apologize to...and is then mad that no one can apologize! Geez! No one can win with you!

I've always thought an apology is a wonderful gift, and I'm lucky to be married to a man who never lets an argument last more than ten minutes. He's easy to apologize to, and he's quick to own up when he's in the wrong. We can do that more easily now that we're not planning a wedding :)

Don't be afraid to admit you're wrong, and don't over-analyze an apology, dismissing it with "Oh, you don't really mean that," or "Sure you are" or "Riiiiight."

Do you know what comes after a great apology? A kiss, a hug, a greater feeling of closeness because you trust each other enough to work through conflict and then forgive. And, yeah, great make-up sex is often part of being easy to apologize to. Cranky, browbeating brides don't know the bliss and comfort of that. They just storm around continuing to play the victim, lashing out at the very people who love them.

Which do you want to be?

Who do you need to apologize to? That can be a tough question to ask yourself, and a tougher question to answer. After all, we never like to face up to the fact that we can behave like children sometimes, that we snapped at someone who was just trying to help.

Think back on your most recent spats with your mom, your groom, that bridesmaid who keeps calling with ideas for various DIY projects, to which you snapped, "When I decide on  favor, I'll call you, okay?!" She got you at a bad time, and you lost your cool.

It happens to every bride at some point. And we always seem to snap at the people we love the most. Sure, they might be pushy and overstepping their bounds, but as all the self-help books say, it's not what happens but how you respond to what happens that matters.

Here's the kicker: it might not even have been a super-rude thing you said. It could be that you haven't returned a bridesmaid's e-mail in over a week. You might have kept your wedding coordinator waiting a long time for your decision about the napkin rings.

It's a sign of great maturity when you can make a phone call to say, "I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you. There's no excuse. I've felt awful about it, and I'd like to plan a get-together so that we can work on the plans."

There's no excuse. The best apologies are not filled with excuse after excuse, like "I was working a lot," and "'I've been so busy" or "I forgot." We're all super-busy, and loading your  apology with excuses takes the purity out of your message. Just a basic, straight-forward apology is all that's called for.

If you did snap and say something rude, add on "I really wish I didn't say that. If I could go back to that moment in time, I'd definitely do it differently." That's a powerful, effective apology that most people would love to hear!

In the classic movie Love Story, the quote "Love means never having to say your sorry" is perhaps the most famous line...and even though hopeless romantics have clung to this theory with wistful sighs and dreams of a relationship where that is true, it's -- sorry to be blunt -- complete crap.

Love does mean having to say you're sorry, because we all say and do dumb things sometimes. If you can't apologize for the insensitive thing you said or the mistake you made, you have big problems ahead.

When you're planning a wedding, you're going to be operating under stress, highly emotional, often exhausted, and dealing with the conflicting requests and sometimes challenging personalitities of a lot of other people. So chances are, you -- and they -- are going to say some dumb things. And you all had better forget about the Love Story line, because apologies are central to Planning in Peace.

Today starts my new series on the Art of the Apology. It's a tricky thing to figure out when it's warranted, how to wait for one when it's deserved, what to do when the apology doesn't come, how to word yours well.

For example, someone involved with my wedding got really mad when I wouldn't let her child perform a musical number at my wedding, and she said some pretty rotten things before hanging up on me. Did she apologize? No. She never does. I'd be a fool to expect one from her, since she's not the nicest of people. So that's my tip for today: don't expect an apology from someone who's always been insensitive. It's a huge drain on your energy, and it steals your wedding happiness, if you think that your wedding will inspire the rude and thoughtless to become better people.

Face it...sometimes the apology isn't going to come. Ever. So you'll have to find a way to remove that verbal knife from your back, feel sorry for the offender, and make it a rule to deal with that person as little as possible. What if it's a parent who never apologizes when it's called-for? That can be a bit trickier, and we'll get to that later in the series.

For now, when someone zings you, just forget about e-mailing them, demanding an apology, or having your mother call them to say what pain you're in, or sharing the story with all of your friends and your groom. If you did this, that mean person gets a charge out of the success of the insult and injury. Your peace has been stolen! You're so upset, you're talking about it to everyone! Woo hoo! As sick as it is, this can be the goal of the mean person: attention. And draining your joy away.

Sometimes selfishness means never having to say you're sorry.  Because they're not.