Your parents expect that the groom's parents will pay for the bar tab at the reception, since that's The Way It's Done. Your groom's parents expect that they will get to host the rehearsal dinner, since that's The Way It's Done. And everyone's mad at you, because you have different plans in mind.

The clash between Old World, traditional etiquette and today's new, modern, freer etiquette rules -- that take into account more couples planning and paying for most if not all of their wedding, leaving parents wondering where they fit in -- causes a ton of stress for wedding couples. Everyone's making assumptions, and everyone's pressuring you to do it their way. And pretty soon, your side of the family and his side of the family aren't liking each other too much.

Here's where you can find out the answers to your own, personal etiquette misunderstandings, so that you can tell parents The Way It WILL Be Done, and still keep everyone at peace: come to my Ask the Wedding Etiquette Expert message board, and get my expert take on your scenario, as well as hear from other supportive members of the wedding community. I'll help you define your etiquette rules and talk to your parents and others diplomatically, so that everyone gets back to the big picture: making sure your wedding day goes the way you want it!

Many brides make the mistake of thinking they need to handle everything themselves. "It's just easier" and "I know I'll get it done the right way" is usually the rationale, but that's setting yourself up for stress that's not necessary. You're part of a team, even if it's just you and your groom for the most part, with parents playing supporting roles in planning and paying for the wedding itself. And then there's the bridal party and perhaps a wedding coordinator.

So here's your exercise for today...you're going to write down the strengths of each member of your team:

Sarah is really good at finding discounts on fashion and accessories.

Mom is really good at talking with Dad to get him to stop making comments about how much this wedding costs.

(Groom) is really good with all things techno, so he can take over planning the iPod playlist for the rehearsal dinner.

Jennie provides the most inspiring emotional support with her creative analogies.

Harvey always makes me laugh when I need it most.

Now that you have everyone's strengths in black-and-white in front of you, give yourself permission to let these people help you.

Forget about any idea that you'd look foolish or weak or not on top of things if you ask for help. It's a gift to these loved ones when you call them to say, "Hey, I really need a hand right now, and you're so good at ______. Do you have some time for me tonight?" This is the essence of a give-and-take relationship! There is no medal for handling every little thing yourself! No one stands up at the reception and toasts you for isolating yourself in the wedding plans. So look at your team, be thankful they're there, and allow them to help you with whatever you need, large or small.

When the wedding plans pick up speed, and you're in full-out details mode, you're bound to be a little overwhelmed. It happens to every bride. What happens to many brides -- and I hope to prevent this happening to you -- is an overreaction to parents or friends calling you with reminders to check with the florist about your order, or to call a relative to find out their guest's name for the place cards. Many brides flip out over this, interpreting these calls while in their frazzled state as 'pushing me' or 'insulting my intelligence.' Not so.

In the vast majority of cases, these moms and friends are just trying to help. They know you have a lot on your plate, so their intention is to say it and 'be safe,' trying to rescue you from a forgotten little detail. They're not trying to run your wedding. They just have a wish to help out, and this is their way of doing it.

I've found myself getting tense when my own loved ones call with a reminder to check on something or call someone. But then I remove the drama from it, and realize that they're just trying to help. I do the same thing myself, when I remind my fiance of something he's already taken care of, and I just laugh and say, "I'm just trying to keep on top of everything." I meant no harm or insult, of course. The same applies to your loved ones.

So if you feel your shoulders bunching up when your mom or mom-in-law-to-be calls with a reminder, just exhale and drop the insult you read into it. Several moms have told me that they KNOW the brides are on top of the planning, but they'd rather just say something than risk a disaster on the wedding day because they DIDN'T say something earlier. It would hurt to know they could have been a help earlier on.

What are your stories about people who are calling often to help out? How did you change your mindset about them? How WILL you change your mindset about them now that you've read this?

You've heard the old adage: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." That's Eleanor Roosevelt's gem for all of us. So when you have a jealous friend or sister, or anyone who has a big target on your back, trying to make you as unhappy as they are, just repeat that saying to yourself.

Yes, I know, the awful thing they said should NEVER have been said, and it's hard not to take it personally. But this is a new day. This is when you make a promise to yourself that you won't let them steal an ounce of your happiness. You won't let them take an ounce of your peace.

So when those verbal arrows come your way, imagine yourself doing the coolest martial arts moves ever, jumping and twirling to let them fly right past you. You have an incredible self-protection weapon: you won't consent to being hurt, and whatever those mean-spirited people send your way, you're safe.

No one can make you feel inferior, or sad, or angry, or unworthy without your consent.

Do you have a different quote that you use to cheer yourself up when others try to bring you down? Share it here in the Comments -- you never know who you might help!